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In this post we will be looking at how to get your ex back in 7 simple steps using text messages. We will tell you step-by-step how you can go from having no contact whatsoever with your ex-girlfriend after a breakup, to re-establishing contact with her, re-building the attraction and flirting with her by text, right through to speaking to her on the phone and setting up that first date with her that probably seems pretty much impossible right now.
Here is an overview of the 7 simple steps you need to follow…
- Have a clear and defined goal of why you are texting her
- The Basics of texting your ex
- What to do when texting your ex for the first time
- Following the ‘No Contact Rule’ and the right time is to text her
- Building Rapport
- Create attraction with flirting
- How to go from text messages to a phone call or a date
In More Detail…
Be clear about why you’re texting her…
Before you actually send her that first text, be sure of exactly what it is you want to achieve and have a clearly defined goal.
This may sound weird but you should only text your ex if you really want her back. If you are just texting her to get some sort of closure, don’t bother, you will end up with far more questions than answers and any answers you do get will just lead to more questions which isn’t going to give you the closure you’re looking for or help you to get over them.
Don’t text your ex just because you’re missing her as it will only make you look desperate, weak and needy. If this happens she’s highly unlikely to text you back, and even less likely to ever want to get back with you.
Likewise, texting your ex to start a fight and blame her for the breakup or anything else isn’t going to make her want to get back with you, don’t do it, it’s just going to make you look like a jerk.
And if it’s clear that she just doesn’t love you anymore and can quite easily live without you as the breakup was far more painful for you than it was for her, don’t text her, it’s not going to work. You still love her now, but you can move on, there are plenty more women out there and you can start again with someone new.
So before you decide to text her, be clear that you actually want to get back together and you’re willing to do what it takes to ensure that things will be different this time.
The Basics Of Texting Your Ex…Some Things To Take Into Account…
There are a few basics you will need to be aware of when it comes to texting your ex. You should avoid sending messages that are too long, just keep things short and sweet, after all you want to get her interest, not annoy her into ignoring you.
Don’t start banging on about the past either, or getting into all the emotional ‘I love you’ and ‘I miss you’ stuff. It might be what you want to tell her, and what you think she wants to hear, but the truth is it’s too soon for that stuff and sending it at this stage can really damage your chances of success.
And be sure to choose your words very carefully. Text messages can be open to misinterpretation at the best of times so be clear in what you say while keeping it short and sweet as trying to explain yourself can come across as being weak and needy, and you don’t want that.
Length of message…
Keep your texts messages short and sweet, however don’t make them so short that they destroy the interaction altogether. And remember, long text messages make you look desperate and needy.
Use response times to build up her anticipation…
Here you will use the time it takes for you to respond to her texts in order to build up her anticipation and make her respond more quickly to your texts, and this is pretty easy to do.
What you do is firstly is start up a text conversation with your ex-girlfriend and bring it to the point where she is opening up emotionally, or else she is eagerly awaiting for an answer from you on something you have been discussing.
You are looking for a text from her which is emotionally charged, the more emotional the better, and which also has a pretty high word count…
And then just ignore it for 30 minutes to an hour!
In the meantime she will be frantically checking her phone for a reply, and even getting mad with you for not replying, and when you finally do reply she will be overjoyed, realize just how much she wants to hear from you, and understand that she needs to be replying to your texts far more quickly from now on.
And so, now you’ve gone from no contact at all to building rapport and texting daily, to getting her to text you back right way…!
Know when to end the interaction…
This may sound strange but after following the ‘No Contact Rule’ and texting her for the first time, you need to end the interaction pretty much straight away, you send her 2-3 texts AT THE MOST, the last of them telling her that you have something urgent which needs your attention and that you will text her later, or you can send her a couple of texts and just not reply to her last one until later, either is fine and will leave her waiting to hear from you.
This also ties in with the method for building rapport with your ex which we discussed earlier.
Leave her wanting more…
In order to leave her wanting more it is essential that when you end the conversation, you end it on a positive note. Never end things on a negative note whatever you do, this will not leave her wanting more.
The trick here is to keep things positive which should be easy enough to do. After all she’s your ex, you know how to get her emotionally invested in a conversation, what buttons to press so to speak, so now you need to be on the lookout for 3 things from her which are…
- A text message from her with a pretty high word count, 25-60 words is good
- You received the above message within 1-5 minutes of your last text to her
- The message has a highly emotional charge
This is the point where you end the conversation, on a positive note as previously mentioned, and this will definitely leave her wanting more.
Have a planned response for each of the 4 different possible outcomes…
Depending on your own particular set of circumstances, such as who broke up with who, why you broke up in the first place, and things like that, she is going to have one of just 4 possible responses to your text. She will either respond positively, negatively, neutrally, or not at all. Work out how she is likely to respond in each and plan your responses to her responses for each eventuality accordingly.
If she responds positively…
This is the best response you can get. If she responds positively you should either carry on the conversation making sure you end it pretty soon and on a positive note, or you can end it immediately, again make sure you do this on a positive note, which will help to create some anticipation from her.
If she responds negatively…
Not good, but still not the worst type of response you can get. If she responds negatively you’ve messed up somewhere and given yourself some serious work to do. In this case, keep your cool…this is very important and you don’t want to make things any worse between you. Simply apologize for disturbing her and leave it at that. You need to give her some more time before texting her again, let her settle down emotionally. There’s no real way around this unfortunately so use the time to figure out where you may have messed up and make sure not to do it again.
If she responds neutrally…
In the case of a neutral response, as in the instance above, you need to give her a little more time before contacting her again, however between 2 and 24 hours will work best here unlike with a negative response where she will need longer.
If she doesn’t respond at all…
This is the worst type of response you can get. Having said that it’s not the end of the world, there can be any number of reasons why she didn’t respond; her battery died, something came up, someone called her…so whatever you do-don’t panic.
Not getting a response could also be due to her needing more time, in which case you need to give her some, or you may need to come up with a more attention grabbing text message, or a combination of the two.
So, give her some time, 48-72 hours, use the time to come up with a message that’s going to make her feel good and want to respond to. And whatever you do, don’t lose your cool-time heals all wounds, so let it.
Texting your ex for the first time…
Your first texts need to create a synergy between three things…a hook, piquing her curiosity, and being too irresistible for her to ignore…
Make sure that our first text contains an intriguing hook to grab her attention, something to pique her curiosity, and something that’s just too irresistible for her to ignore.
This shouldn’t be too difficult for you, after all you know here intimately, what she likes, what arouses her interest etc. Use what you know and take the guesswork out of the equation. This will help re-establish the connection between the two of you.
The right time to text your ex…
Knowing the right time to text her, and how long to wait before you do can be crucial to your success. One of the first thing you need to be aware of it what’s known as the ‘No Contact Rule’, which is basically a fixed period of time where you have absolutely no contact with your ex at all, you don’t talk to her, text her, or call her at all during this period. How long this period lasts for can depend on your own unique situation, but generally there are 3 different rules; a 21 day rule, a 30 day rule, and a 45 day rule.
The reasons you need to follow the ‘No Contact Rule’ are quite simple. If you begin bombarding her with text immediately after the break up you run the risk of firstly coming across as being pathetically needy, and this is something you definitely want to avoid at all costs as being needy is probably the most unattractive thing you can ever be.
Secondly, texting her too soon and when emotions are still running high can lead to sending her a barrage of hateful, hurtful messages which aren’t going to make her want to get back with you anytime soon. In fact they are far more likely to drive her even further away and make your job of getting her back much harder, if not impossible.
Thirdly, if you’re not thinking straight because of your emotional state you might end up sending her texts begging her to get back with you. This is another massive no-no. Women want to be with men they can look up to and respect, start begging, for anything, and you’re pretty much done.
And fourthly, and probably worst of all, is a combination of any or all of the above which can lead to frustration on your part, the feeling that you’ve got nothing left to lose, so you lose your temper and start arguing, then fighting, and before you know it you’ve just gone and made the situation a hundred times worse and more difficult to resolve than it ever had to be…
So, follow the rule!
Even if she texts you after the 6th day the 8th day, the 10th day, or on any other day at all…no contact means no contact!
Building Rapport…
The strategy here is to start off slowly and then gradually increase the frequency of your texts. So, to begin with you will send your first text after following the ‘No Contact Rule’ for the prescribed number of days, keeping the interaction brief and ending it quickly yourself, whatever you do don’t allow the interaction to continue long enough for your ex to be the one to end it.
After this you need to go back into ‘no contact mode’ for 2-3 days before sending your next text. This time though you can make the interaction slightly longer before you end it.
Wait another day or two before texting her again to give her the impression that you have other, more important things to be getting on with, and make this conversation even longer than last time.
Wait another day before contacting her again, however this time you can allow the conversation to run for as long as you like, just as long as you are the one that ends it as in the previous steps.
Text her again the following day and allow the interaction to continue for as long as you want it to. Try and be the one who ends the conversation, however at this point it’s not going to be as crucial as before, and you can always wait until your next conversation and be the one to end it then.
And so, you’ve just gone from having no contact at all to re-establishing contact with her and increasing the frequency of that contact to where you’re texting each other every day, which is the ideal strategy for re-building rapport with her.
Create attraction with flirting…
To begin rebuilding attraction with your ex by text you need to target her emotions, you need to make her feel all warm and fuzzy inside again, do this and you’re well on your way to sealing a date with her. Don’t, whatever you do try and use logic to convince her to meet you it’s the wrong way of going about it and it won’t work.
Here’s how to get her feeling all warm and fuzzy and create attraction through text messages…
Keep things positive and fun…
The first thing you need to do is to eliminate any negative texting behavior you may have. By this we mean no anger over the past, no jealousy or possessiveness, no needy behavior, no over eagerness to get a date, or anything along those lines.
Focus on making her feel good…
Next you need to focus on making her feel good, people are attracted to what makes them feel good so make her feel great when you text her, she’ll associate your texts with feeling good, and she’ll begin to want and look forward to your texts, in fact she’ll become addicted to them!..
To do this just keep the interaction light, positive, and fun, this will trigger a dopamine release in her, and the more it does, the more she’ll want, and the more attracted to you she will become.
So, keep the interaction positive and fun, of course you can get a little bit more serious every now and then, not too often though, and avoid any negativity like the plague. In short, be the guy whose text messages make her feel amazing.
Rebuild physical attraction with some sexy talk…
If there’s one thing that makes a girl attracted to you, and that includes your ex, it’s when you suddenly hit her with some dirty talk when you’ve so far shown no inclination towards it.
Throwing curveballs like this is what builds physical attraction. Nothing to do with logic as we mentioned earlier, this is pure emotion at work…one minute she’s thinking how she’s got you all worked out and that you’re heading into the friend zone with her, next thing she knows you taken her somewhere more erotic altogether.
The great thing about this is it’s incredibly easy to do…just lead her into an imaginary steamy role play scenario with something like….
“Suppose we were out walking in the countryside miles from anywhere, all of a sudden we found ourselves caught in a torrential downpour…we come across an old barn and take shelter…we take our clothes off to dry them…then what…?
Don’t let her friend zone you…
Don’t be like most guy out there and make the mistake of thinking that the best way to make a girl attracted to you is to be ‘there for them’ , like some kind of therapist, or even worse…a friend giving them a shoulder to cry on…
Because the second you do…BANG…she’s friend zoned you, or to be more accurate you’ve friend zoned yourself, either way it’s not what you want.
That’s not to say you shouldn’t be nice to her but there are some things you should leave to her best girlfriend to do for her. Being too nice and dependable isn’t going to make you appear desirable to her.
So, be confident, positive, fun and flirty with your text messages, and make her feel all warm and fuzzy inside, without being a doormat and ending up in the friend zone and you’ll soon recreate the attraction needed to carry out the next step…
Going from Text Messages to a Phone call or a date…
From text messages to phone calls…
Texting is a great way of initiating contact after observing the ‘No Contact Rule’, however it’s no real substitute for a phone call or meeting up in person. Phone calls have the advantage of allowing you to speak to your ex girlfriend far more intimately as you get to hear the familiar sound and tone of each other’s voices, which in turn allows you to build a far deeper connection by actually speaking to her rather than sending text messages.
At this stage you should do your utmost to speak to your ex on the phone every chance you get. And don’t be afraid to create those chances yourself…
Here’s one way of doing it…
Say you and your ex girlfriend have been texting regularly for some time, things have progressed nicely to the point where you feel she would be ready to speak with you on the phone…
Text her something really funny, something that’s going to make her laugh and probably get her to send you one of those LMAO replies…
Then text her that you need to drive somewhere and you can’t stop laughing yourself, and would she like to speak on the phone and continue the conversation?
She’s happy…she’s laughing… she says ‘yeah, sure’…
And you’ve just gone from texting her to speaking on the phone…!
It’s as easy as that! All you had to do was to ask while things were on a positive note. She actually told you 2 things here too…she wants to carry on the conversation and she’s also happy to move on from texts and speak on the phone.
Use little ‘hooks’ like this to build up to having regular rapport building conversations with her and before long you won’t need an excuse to get her on the phone at all.
From phone calls to dates…
This is a big step so before taking it make absolutely sure that you have built up enough of a connection, enough attraction, and enough trust with your ex girlfriend through the text messages you have been sending her, as well as the phone calls you have been having up to this point.
As a rule of thumb you should have been speaking via text messages and phone calls regularly for at least one week.
To do this properly, just keep things nice and simple, if she says ‘no’, don’t pressure her in any way, however if she replies that she’s ‘not sure’, it’s ok give her a little nudge…
Try this…
Tell her you will be in her area tomorrow and ask her if she would like to meet up for a coffee…
If she says she’s not sure if it’s as good idea
You tell her it’s just a coffee…
She agrees to meet up with you.
Whatever you do, don’t call it a date…it’s just the two of you ‘hanging out’ or ‘catching up’.
And that’s how easy it is to go from speaking on the phone to meeting up in person. Don’t try and be too adventurous at this point though like asking her to a concert or anything too ‘datey’. Build up to this slowly over time and you’ll have your ex back.
And if you’d like some expert help to get your ex back…
And there you have it, how to get your ex back fast by text message in 7 simple steps. If you’d like to go more in depth and get tons of working example texts to get your ex back, and keep her there’s a program called Magnetic Messaging which you can check out here where you’ll discover the insider methods being used by those in the know to spark things back up with an ex, get a girls number, text girls you’ve only just met, get more hot dates, get more sex dates, and also build lasting relationships using text messaging…